The Four Agreements by: Don Miguel Ruiz
Themes: Self-Improvement, Self-Actualization
Read When: You feel like you *should* be happy, and you *should* feel fulfilled, but you are still feeling resistance from somewhere inside your soul.
Favorite Quotes:
“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements that they have in their own minds.”
“Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are. Expressing what you are is taking action.”
“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.”
Key Takeaways:
I wish The Four Agreements were a required reading precedent for adulthood. This book is easy to read, small, and packs a life-changing punch. It should not only be read once, it should be read multiple times throughout one's life. The Four Agreements is about the personal freedom you gain by investing in your own healthy mindset. The agreements have nothing to do with outside forces. Which means, they cannot be disturbed. They are simple, straightforward, and something you have complete control over.
Be Impeccable With Your Word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t Make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always Do Your Best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.
Above all else, the agreements teach you to have grace with yourself. The "best" you can give will change from moment to moment. What you are able to do today compared to what you accomplished yesterday should not be your focus - your focus should be that you are doing your best for the given moment. After a difficult breakup I was frustrated and impatient with how long it was taking me to feel like myself again, and produce at my same capacity again. This book reminded me that in those moments - I must have grace with myself. I was doing my best. When I released my own expectations on myself, I was finally able to heal.
A bonus favorite quote that I hope everyone reads multiple times and takes to heart:
“You don’t need knowledge or great philosophical concepts. You don’t need the acceptance of others. You express your own divinity by being alive and by loving yourself and others.”