The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements by: Don Miguel Ruiz 

Themes: Self-Improvement, Self-Actualization

Read When: You feel like you *should* be happy, and you *should* feel fulfilled, but you are still feeling resistance from somewhere inside your soul. 

Favorite Quotes:

“Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements that they have in their own minds.”

“Action is about living fully. Inaction is the way that we deny life. Inaction is sitting in front of the television every day for years because you are afraid to be alive and to take the risk of expressing what you are. Expressing what you are is taking action.”

“If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don't need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.”

Key Takeaways:

I wish The Four Agreements were a required reading precedent for adulthood. This book is easy to read, small, and packs a life-changing punch. It should not only be read once, it should be read multiple times throughout one's life. The Four Agreements is about the personal freedom you gain by investing in your own healthy mindset. The agreements have nothing to do with outside forces. Which means, they cannot be disturbed. They are simple, straightforward, and something you have complete control over. 

Be Impeccable With Your Word – Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Don’t Make Assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret.

Above all else, the agreements teach you to have grace with yourself. The "best" you can give will change from moment to moment. What you are able to do today compared to what you accomplished yesterday should not be your focus - your focus should be that you are doing your best for the given moment. After a difficult breakup I was frustrated and impatient with how long it was taking me to feel like myself again, and produce at my same capacity again. This book reminded me that in those moments - I must have grace with myself. I was doing my best. When I released my own expectations on myself, I was finally able to heal. 

A bonus favorite quote that I hope everyone reads multiple times and takes to heart: 

“You don’t need knowledge or great philosophical concepts. You don’t need the acceptance of others. You express your own divinity by being alive and by loving yourself and others.”

Thrive

Thrive by: Arianna Huffington 

Themes: Balance, Inspiration, Success, Happiness

Read When: You want fulfillment, success, and balance. Obtaining all three is possible and this book will help you get there. 

Favorite Quotes: 

“We think, mistakenly, that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of the quality of time we put in.”

“It is very telling what we don’t hear in eulogies. We almost never hear things like: “The crowning achievement of his life was when he made senior vice president.” Or: “He increased market share for his company multiple times during his tenure.” Or: “She never stopped working. She ate lunch at her desk. Every day.” Or: “He never made it to his kid’s Little League games because he always had to go over those figures one more time.” Or: “While she didn’t have any real friends, she had six hundred Facebook friends, and she dealt with every email in her in-box every night.” Or: “His PowerPoint slides were always meticulously prepared.” Our eulogies are always about the other stuff: what we gave, how we connected, how much we meant to our family and friends, small kindnesses, lifelong passions, and the things that made us laugh.”

“Imagine how our culture, how our lives, will change when we begin valuing go-givers as much as we value go-getters.” 

Key Takeaways:

What a great read. Easy. Inspirational. Actionable. One of my favorite aspects of this book is the quotes that Arianna pulls from other "experts in living". She does not rely solely on her own perspective and experiences to shape the message of Thrive. Instead, it is combination of her voice along with others who have walked a different path than her, but experienced the same trials. After all - isn't that what we are doing here on earth together? We each have our own paths, but our experiences as humans are actually more alike than they are different. Huffington invigorates a holistic approach to success. I am a huge proponent of measuring success in multiple ways. I belive your career or your education or your salary can be marks of success, but a truly successful life lies in balance, love, friendship, adventures, self-care, and growth. Thrive encourages just that.

Brave Enough

Brave Enough by: Cheryl Strayed 

Themes: Inspiration, Courage, Authenticity, Healing

Read When: You need a quick shot of gumption. This book will give you a swift kick in the ass and permission to be who you are without worrying so much about what others think of you or what that mean voice in your head thinks of you. 

Favorite Quotes: 

“You don’t have to get a job that makes others feel comfortable about what they perceive as your success. You don’t have to explain what you plan to do with your life. You don’t have to justify your education by demonstrating its financial rewards. You don’t have to maintain an impeccable credit score. Anyone who expects you to do any of those things has no sense of history or economics or science or the arts. You have to pay your own electric bill. You have to be kind. You have to give it all you’ve got. You have to find people who love you truly and love them back with the same truth. But that’s all.”

“Hello, fear. Thank you for being here. You’re my indication that I’m doing what I need to do.”

“If someone is being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird, you don’t have to take it in. You don’t have to turn it into a big psychodrama about your worth. That behavior so often is not even about you. It’s about the person who’s being unkind or petty or jealous or distant or weird. If this were summed up on a bumper sticker, it would say: Don’t own other people’s crap. The world would be a better place if we all did that.”

“You go on by doing the best you can. You go on by being generous. You go on by being true. You go on by offering comfort to others who can’t go on. You go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and by allowing the pleasure in other days."

Key Takeaways: 

Live a genuine life. Listen to yourself. Stay true to yourself. Don't let anyone else dictate how you live. Be authentic and honest and open and fearless. The book is a quick read full of small nuggets of wisdom. It will keep you grounded and renew your spirit. Highly recommend for a beach read, a rainy day read, a long weekend read. It's a quickie, and always a fun one to revisit.